A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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