my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
