u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
