just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
