I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
