I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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