The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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