I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
