Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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