when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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