yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
