My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
