ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
