we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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