stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
