were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My life is pants optional.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
