Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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