your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
