Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
