Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I have aggressive nipples.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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