remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize