just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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