I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
