Duck Duck Cougar?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
