Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
