so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
