I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You can't special order awesome
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
