when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
