I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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