so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
