love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
