i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
