so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
It's Friday. Sex?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
