I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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