Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
we're so committed to being not committed
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
