I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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