I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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