Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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