Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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