We're facebook friends in real life
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
