they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
