If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
