My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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