we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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