There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize