I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
