Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Randomize
