He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
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How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
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Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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