honey bunches of taint.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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