Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
