I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
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All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
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you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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