what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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