don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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