New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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