im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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