I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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