u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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