What did we do last night that was yellow?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
