phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
