I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
