i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
