I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
