Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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