I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
