Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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