I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
