I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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