Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
the raccoons are back...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
