Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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