$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
