Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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