How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
