i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
