in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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