apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It's blow job season.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
