Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
